Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Tuesday Session - Envisioning my Future

Dr. E was so happy for me.  Today, we talked about how I have found a voice through my art.  I told her how I hadn't felt vibratey for a while.  It doesn't mean that I don't feel angry, or sad, or panicky... it's just that somehow, she's helped me get it out so I don't get so overwhelmed.  

We talked about my summer plans for teaching at the Forest School.  We talked about me maybe taking a yoga class, or trying a daily meditation practice to help me keep grounded.  She encouraged me to keep helping Jake with his art and to test drive some lesson plans on him. 

We did an envisioning exercise, looking at yesterday's drawing.  She asked me to draw what I was feeling about going to Thunderbay to teach art to kids.  I asked her to put on that New Age calming music and let me use the Posca markers and watercolour.  I went in finished outlining with the Pentel brushpen.   

When I finished, Dr. E asked how I was feeling.  Without thinking, I said hopeful.  She asked if she could hug me.  I said yes. That hug felt like today's picture.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Monday Session - I got a job!

I'm freaking out.  Mrs. Hildebrand put my name forward as one of the students she recommended to travel to Thunderbay to be a junior art instructor at The Forest School.  She talked with Dr. E and everything is set for a summer job teaching art!

This is where I'll be going.  It's 45 minutes outside of Thunderbay and it's for 3 weeks this summer.  I can't believe it.  I'll be getting paid to do art.  I have a job.  I feel like I won the 649.

This is where I'll be going.  They sent a picture of the view from the school.  Of course, it'll look a whole lot different in July.  I did it as a blind drawing.  They also have a guest instructor coming to teach yoga and meditation, and I can go to those classes for free.

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Weekend collage

 I started a collage yesterday on one page, then continued it today.  I kind of like it.  I started to think of my super hero self and my super power to change into a bird.  There's a #putabirdonit challenge on Instagram and I kind of wanted to post something.  So that's what I did.  I put a bird on it. When I started painting the yellow, I got that hopeful feeling again.  Maybe I'm not such a basket case loser as I thought.   I actually posted it on my Instagram.  Wait'll Dr. E hears that I got a comment from someone who said my image was powerful.  

Friday, April 26, 2019

Friday Session - Drawing with Jake

When I got home yesterday after school, Jake was waiting on my front steps.  When he saw me come around the corner, he raced to greet me on the street to show me his new sketchbook.  His dad gave it to him for his Saturday classes at the WAG.  He said he was scared to wreck it.  I told him that I thought that was a very common fear, and the sooner he got over it, the better his art would become. In fact, we googled it and the word for fear of the blank page is VACANSOPAPUROSOPHOBIA.  I suggested he write that on his first page for a little art joke with himself.  We sat down on my front porch and I pulled out my sketchbook and fountain pen.  

I remembered a great exercise I saw online for freeing up drawing and imagination.  It was perfect for Jake and we did it together.  We looked down at my cracked sidewalk at the bottom of the steps..  I got him to draw the cracks on a page with my fountain pen.  I did the same in my book.  Then we made up drawings from the lines. He was pretty impressed with my waterbrush. It was really great to watch how much fun he had watching the ink run.

I told Dr. E about Jake’s art lesson, and again she asked me if I had ever thought of teaching art to kids.  I told her that it would be my dream job.  She suggested since I was looking for summer work that I check out Parks and Rec and see if there was anything remotely to do with teaching art.  I’m not going to get my hopes up, but I’m sure going to check it out.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

Thursday Session - Magazine woman

Today, Dr. E gave me a magazine and asked me to pick a photo that spoke to me.  I opened it to this old woman.  I felt like she was crying out to me.  Dr E asked me what I meant.  I told her that she was lonely, full of regrets and unfulfilled dreams.  I could make up a whole story just from looking at her eyes.  I knew that look - angry and sad. Dr. E asked what advice I could offer her.  I said, "let it out".
Dr. E said, with a smile..."Sounds like good advice. Maybe she should read your book, "I'd Rather Die Than Cry". 

I love Dr. E. She really gets me. She remembers things I've drawn and said and she listens.  She never pushes me to talk.  She thinks I'm an artist.  She thinks I'm strong and for some reason, she seems to have faith in me.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Wednesday Session - Poscatown

Today I told Dr. E that I wish I had someone else's life.  Anyone's but mine.  She asked me where I'd be living and with whom.  I said I'd live in Poscatown, in an apartment by myself with a cat and a dog.  It would be a quaint little postcard place where the streets were clean, you were safe to walk alone at night, and the houses were painted bright happy colours.  Each evening a bell would chime to say goodnight, and each morning, birds would sing.  I would have an artist studio and offer classes to kids. Dr. E asked me if I ever thought of teaching art to kids.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Tuesday session - Becca's Bird

I told Becca all about Dr. E and how my sketchbook has helped me not feel crazy.  I haven't shown it to her yet, but I probably will. We got caught up on all the news.  Her biggest thing over the last months was that Billy Bird Thornton died.  They thought he had flown out the window, but then a few days later Mrs. Lundstrom went to fill the humidifier and found the bloated, rotting remains of poor Billy. They figure he got out of his cage, got chased by Pepper and flew into the humidifier and couldn't get out. He probably treaded water in that reservoir as long as he could and then drowned a gruesome death.  Becca wasn't too upset, but her mother loved that bird and still cries when she talks about reminisces about how he would say, "Hooked on Phonics". 

Dr E thought it was a good thing to talk about death, even though it is hard.  She said that sometimes the loss of someone in our lives, like my dad leaving, is like a death.  I told her that when I was young, I sometimes told people that my dad had died in a car crash.  She wasn't surprised.  She said, "I bet you said that, because that's how it felt." Dr. E kinda gets me.