I had a bowl of chili for Easter supper. Inga and Jocelyn called me and we talked for an hour. They were having their Easter dinner and eating paska bread. I laughed because I thought they said Posca bread. I've been using Posca acrylic pens in my sketchbook and imagined a brightly decorated loaf of brilliant colours.
Jocelyn said she had read one of those "be happy" articles today which recommended adopting a 3-word mantra each day to keep you feeling chipper and positive. So, today she chose "Eat more chips". I love her. Those two make me laugh. Inga reminded me of the beautiful Easter eggs that Grandma Kay used to dye. She would dip the ends and sides in food colouring making these gorgeous plaid stripes and patterns with primary and secondary colours. I remember doing that with her. She'd pull the high stool up to the sink and let me pick my own colours.
I got off the phone and felt like my insides had kind of dropped out of me. Like I was a hollow shell. I felt that familiar jittery anxious feeling in my solar plexus. I remembered the breathing exercises I learned from Dr. E. In and out through the nose - in for 4 out for 6. Concentrate on the exhale and at the end of the 6 count, pause for a moment before the next breath. After a few slow breaths, I was lingering longer and longer in the pause. It felt so good... like everything could disappear for an instant. My lungs would fill again, but before I knew it, I'd be back inside the beautiful pause of nothingness. Then I got the idea to pick a mantra. 3 words. I grabbed my Posca pens and put on "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson on repeat.