Session 11 - Breakdown/through

Last night I had a breakdown.  Grandma Kay's friends, Inga and Jocelyn invited me over for supper.  They picked me up and we got Chinese food and went to their house on the outskirts of town.  I love going to their place. Inga is an artist and Jocelyn has the most awesome collection of old toys.  They've got old wooden chairs that they've hung up in their trees.  They had TV tables set up in the living room and they said they were excited to watch a movie with me.  It was Coco. I didn't really feel like watching a stupid Disney movie for kids, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings.  So I said to them that I had wanted to see it.

I was totally bored until right before the end.  This Mexican kid, Miguel goes into the world of ghosts and meets people who have died.  Family members come back to visit once a year when their family remembers them on the Day of the Dead. The family has to keep remembering to keep them alive in the ghost world, or else they disappear.  Coco was the kid's senile great grandmother who had to remember Coco's great great grandfather Hector or else he would disappear forever.  Anyway, Miguel sings a song "Remember Me" and Coco's wrinkly eyes light up, and she starts to sing along and remembers her dad.  At the end of the movie, it's a year later and Coco is now with the dead family and partying with Miguel and his live family. 

All I could think of was Grandma Kay.  I started to cry.  I looked over at Inga and she had tears running down her face.  Jocelyn got a box of Kleenex.  She said, "We miss Kay so much.  We know how you miss her, too.  She sure loved you".  By this time I was bawling.  Like ugly crying, complete with snot.  Inga rubbed my back as I sobbed.  It was the first time I've cried since Grandma Kay died.  I got home and went right to bed.  I wanted to sleep forever and never wake up.

When I got up in the morning, I actually felt not bad.  At my session, Dr. E asked me to draw how I felt today.  I knew exactly the image I wanted to use.  I told Dr. E about my breakdown last night.  She smiled and said, "I call that a breakthrough, not a breakdown".